I was watching my kids play and seeing the looks of pure happiness and joy on their faces made me happy. Which I'm sure it does with most proud parents, but it got me to thinking...Well remembering is more like it, about some of my happy memories when I was a kid and playing with my brother and cousins. I grew up in a tiny little neighborhood, on a dead-end street, and almost everyone there was related to each other. There were about 16 or so houses in our little neighborhood and I think 14 of those houses were relatives. Well we still are relatives, we just have spread out over the years and not everyone still lives there.
Now that I think about it, that is pretty out of the ordinary. How many people grow up or even as adults live in a neighborhood where just about everyone is related. When you're a kid though it is pretty awesome because you always have someone to play with! Some of my happiest and fondest memories as a child are those of running around playing with my cousins. Then on weekends and the summer months my cousins Daniel and Adam would come stay with their dad, my uncle, and it would be even more people to join in on the fun. I look back now and wonder why we would sometimes complain "I'm bored" or "We're bored", we should have never been bored with that many kids running around! It's a wonder our parents didn't double over in fits of laughter when we said that.
My most favorite thing in the world when I was a little girl was Barbies. I was a child hoarder of Barbie dolls and anything that was related to Barbie. It was also one of my favorite things to play, either by myself but especially with my cousins. The girls that is, the boys became demonically possessed when in close proximity to Barbies. (In a previous blog I mentioned some of the tortures they would inflict upon my Barbies which thank God hasn't scared me for life giving me nightmares of Barbie mass murders.) The torture wasn't part of the fond memories, just an unfortunate truth that still haunts me a little bit. We girls though (we girls being Samantha, Nina and Jessie) could sit for hours and be perfectly content playing with our Barbies. Getting them dressed up countless times to go on countless dates. Never with Ken though, I had The New Kids on the Block guy dolls. I know, I know...it was the early 90's and that should be excuse enough. People were still recovering from the 80's!
Another thing we all loved to play was Hide and Seek. This was before there were countless video and computer games and kids actually went outdoors to play and exercised more than their thumbs. I can't tell you how many hours we spent running around the neighborhood hiding and seeking. I wish we could still play it now as adults without looking like a bunch of crazies running around hiding in bushes and stuff. Now we'd be presumed to be up to no good or something and it would raise suspicion, and probably rightly so. I know if I saw a bunch of grown people running around my neighborhood hiding in bushes and screaming and all that goes with it I'd be suspicious. Well this is my current neighborhood and weirder things have happened so maybe...just maybe?
We all also loved riding our bikes. We would pretend and create elaborate stories of where we imagined that we were traveling to various places, usually somewhere like California or Florida. Our bikes would be our favorite cars. Or our dream cars that we just knew we were going to have when we grew up, usually Corvettes and convertibles of various makes & models. Lord forbid someone also pretended to have the same car that you were pretending to have. There was sure to be an argument followed by someone "telling" to a grown-up on the other person that you were pretending to drive that car first, now make them stop! This happened more times than I can count, and so much that it's stuck with me all these years. A few trees, due to their low branches and easy access to leaves were our pretend ATMs. If only money really grew on trees right? When your a kid and having a blast just pretending the day away and playing it almost seems real.
A few years when I was a kid my grandmother had huge piles of wood and old lumber during the winter months that she would use for her wood burning stove. So we would take some of the longer pieces of lumber and build tepees and forts. This never went over too well with the adults because they feared we would either get bitten by one of the thousands of spiders that lived in the woodpile, we would get a huge splinter, or any other harm that could potentially occur. Which on a few occasions a spider bite or splinter did in-fact happen. None of these risks ever out weigh the potential levels of fun that were to be had enough to make us actually stop building our play shacks.
These are just a few of my memories that I thought about and wanted to share. I hope you enjoyed them at least a little bit as much as I did making and remembering them myself. I hope everyone, no matter how great or difficult their childhood might have been has at least a few great memories as a child playing with their friends, cousins or siblings like I do. Thanks for taking the time to read my little stories and I'm glad to have something of a more pleasant nature to share with you this time. Until next time, be happy, peaceful and love one another! :)
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Do As I Say, Not As I Do
Well it's been a while since my last post. I have had a lot going on, many ideas, but just not enough time or energy to collect my thoughts long enough to sit and concentrate on writing, but hopefully that wont be the case for much longer. I guess I'm just pissed off right now and really need to vent, so here I am...
My last post was about my brother, and how I love him and all his misguided dealings that have lead him to be a jailbird. (I don't love the mishaps, just that was a topic in the post.) This one is pretty much again how much I love my brother and some more of his misguided happenings. I got some news yesterday from my paternal excuse (my dad) that has left me a little upset. My dad calls and is like "have you heard what your brother did today at the courthouse?"...well considering he is in jail and that he doesn't make the smartest choices in life my first thought was he tried to escape or something of the like. What happened in reality wasn't much better than my first thought.
"No dad, what did he do now?" was my first response. "He and (his girlfriend, who I will leave unnamed) got married" was my dad's reply. First shock and disbelief hit me...followed by nausea, a migraine and crying. Somehow or another this crackpot shame of a justice system we have let them get married while he is in jail. Something I think should not be allowed. Criminals are in jail as punishment, not to be tying the knot with their bad-influencing counterparts.
Now I know people are thinking I am harsh on him, and many other things, and probably that this is none of my business. But me being me, I cant sit here and say or feel nothing when I have been holding on to hope that he will come to some moment of enlightenment in there and he will change for the better upon his release. I pray everyday that he will see how bad she and other of his friends are for him and he will give up contact with them. (The eternal optimist that hides somewhere in me clings to this hope desperately.) But this news pretty much kicked that optimist in the groin and laughed in its face.
But none the less I make it my business. This is my little brother that I am talking about. My brother that I love dearly. That I pray for and hold onto hope for everyday that he is going to turn his life around, and become a successful person one day. This horrible news just pored salt into an already painful wound. I want desperately for my brother to have happiness and a family of his own one day. I think that would be great for him and maybe give him something to live for, wanna do right for. But I know that this girl is not going to help get him there.
For one I know he doesn't love her. I'm sure he has caring feelings for her, but love he does not. This is not an assumption, it is what he has told me and others on several occasions. Two, just a few weeks ago he was holding onto hope for reconciliation with an ex of his. So how does a person go to wanting to rekindle a past love to marring a totally different person out of the blue a few weeks later? Not my idea of romance.
Then there is the fact that she is a horrible influence on him. Not that he needs any influencing, but she doesn't help matters. It's kind of a 'blind leading the blind' situation. I don't want to sound like an over protective asshole. Like no one is good enough for my brother. That is not the case. He has had several exes that I liked very much and would much rather for things to have worked out with one of them than this girl. I just don't want my brother eventually getting out of jail and going right back to the situation, influences, and surroundings that got him to where he is now.
I just care too much. I don't want to see him on an ever present path of self destruction. I don't want him to lose his life to drugs and poor judgement. I want nothing but happiness and success for him. The sad truth is I know for a fact that there is going to be nothing but heartache in the end of this . I know I can't control his life. I know I can't make his decisions for him, that he has to make his own mistakes in life. God knows I have made enough of them myself, and I didn't listen to the people that tried to prevent me from such. But I can't just sit by and hold my tongue and watch this train wreck waiting to happen either.
None of us are perfect. I know I'm far from it, and I will continue to make mistakes and probably not always the wisest of choices. I also know that there are people that love me and want the best for me. People that no matter if its wanted or not, that they will give their opinions on things. That I probably should listen to them, but being a stubborn bullheaded person that I am, (I am a Pisces after all) that I will most likely make those mistakes and hopefully learn from them. The old parent to child saying "Do as I say, not as I do" is ringing in my head right now.
I just wish that for once he would do as I say and not as he wants to do or what I have done. I wasn't always the best influence on him either, and I do claim that. He used to be a pretty good kid. He was almost a completely different person than the one that he is now. I do have guilt there that I was a destructive influence as I once was, that I didn't play the best role model for him. I know that some of my faults and mishaps helped lead him astray. I guess my being the overprotective asshole I am now is my way of wanting to try and make up for that.
But here I sit, holding on to that hope that is struggling to break free. I got another call this morning from my dad that the courts told my brother that they are going to most likely tack more time on to his sentence for some other stuff that he did. I know this is going to make me sound like an even bigger bitch than is already thought by some, but maybe more time will prevent him from more destruction that will only happen if he is released sooner rather than later. That middle of the night phone call last February with my dad crying telling me that my brother has overdosed and gone into cardiac arrest was one of the least favorite things I've ever had to go through. Something I wouldn't wish anyone to have to endure. Something I don't want to have to go through again. Something I just hope can be prevented.
My last post was about my brother, and how I love him and all his misguided dealings that have lead him to be a jailbird. (I don't love the mishaps, just that was a topic in the post.) This one is pretty much again how much I love my brother and some more of his misguided happenings. I got some news yesterday from my paternal excuse (my dad) that has left me a little upset. My dad calls and is like "have you heard what your brother did today at the courthouse?"...well considering he is in jail and that he doesn't make the smartest choices in life my first thought was he tried to escape or something of the like. What happened in reality wasn't much better than my first thought.
"No dad, what did he do now?" was my first response. "He and (his girlfriend, who I will leave unnamed) got married" was my dad's reply. First shock and disbelief hit me...followed by nausea, a migraine and crying. Somehow or another this crackpot shame of a justice system we have let them get married while he is in jail. Something I think should not be allowed. Criminals are in jail as punishment, not to be tying the knot with their bad-influencing counterparts.
Now I know people are thinking I am harsh on him, and many other things, and probably that this is none of my business. But me being me, I cant sit here and say or feel nothing when I have been holding on to hope that he will come to some moment of enlightenment in there and he will change for the better upon his release. I pray everyday that he will see how bad she and other of his friends are for him and he will give up contact with them. (The eternal optimist that hides somewhere in me clings to this hope desperately.) But this news pretty much kicked that optimist in the groin and laughed in its face.
But none the less I make it my business. This is my little brother that I am talking about. My brother that I love dearly. That I pray for and hold onto hope for everyday that he is going to turn his life around, and become a successful person one day. This horrible news just pored salt into an already painful wound. I want desperately for my brother to have happiness and a family of his own one day. I think that would be great for him and maybe give him something to live for, wanna do right for. But I know that this girl is not going to help get him there.
For one I know he doesn't love her. I'm sure he has caring feelings for her, but love he does not. This is not an assumption, it is what he has told me and others on several occasions. Two, just a few weeks ago he was holding onto hope for reconciliation with an ex of his. So how does a person go to wanting to rekindle a past love to marring a totally different person out of the blue a few weeks later? Not my idea of romance.
Then there is the fact that she is a horrible influence on him. Not that he needs any influencing, but she doesn't help matters. It's kind of a 'blind leading the blind' situation. I don't want to sound like an over protective asshole. Like no one is good enough for my brother. That is not the case. He has had several exes that I liked very much and would much rather for things to have worked out with one of them than this girl. I just don't want my brother eventually getting out of jail and going right back to the situation, influences, and surroundings that got him to where he is now.
I just care too much. I don't want to see him on an ever present path of self destruction. I don't want him to lose his life to drugs and poor judgement. I want nothing but happiness and success for him. The sad truth is I know for a fact that there is going to be nothing but heartache in the end of this . I know I can't control his life. I know I can't make his decisions for him, that he has to make his own mistakes in life. God knows I have made enough of them myself, and I didn't listen to the people that tried to prevent me from such. But I can't just sit by and hold my tongue and watch this train wreck waiting to happen either.
None of us are perfect. I know I'm far from it, and I will continue to make mistakes and probably not always the wisest of choices. I also know that there are people that love me and want the best for me. People that no matter if its wanted or not, that they will give their opinions on things. That I probably should listen to them, but being a stubborn bullheaded person that I am, (I am a Pisces after all) that I will most likely make those mistakes and hopefully learn from them. The old parent to child saying "Do as I say, not as I do" is ringing in my head right now.
I just wish that for once he would do as I say and not as he wants to do or what I have done. I wasn't always the best influence on him either, and I do claim that. He used to be a pretty good kid. He was almost a completely different person than the one that he is now. I do have guilt there that I was a destructive influence as I once was, that I didn't play the best role model for him. I know that some of my faults and mishaps helped lead him astray. I guess my being the overprotective asshole I am now is my way of wanting to try and make up for that.
But here I sit, holding on to that hope that is struggling to break free. I got another call this morning from my dad that the courts told my brother that they are going to most likely tack more time on to his sentence for some other stuff that he did. I know this is going to make me sound like an even bigger bitch than is already thought by some, but maybe more time will prevent him from more destruction that will only happen if he is released sooner rather than later. That middle of the night phone call last February with my dad crying telling me that my brother has overdosed and gone into cardiac arrest was one of the least favorite things I've ever had to go through. Something I wouldn't wish anyone to have to endure. Something I don't want to have to go through again. Something I just hope can be prevented.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Missing My BroBro
Well here you go world, here is one of my more pitiful moments...i'm no stranger to them, or sharing them. I believe in being honest about your feelings. I am really missing my brother today. I'm not too sure why, i just woke up this morning really wanting him here so i can either pick or be picked at. Crazy, i know. But that is how we show our affection, by ball busting.
He is everything one can imagine in an annoying little brother, and i love him all the more for it. I think back to all the times when we were growing up and he embarrassed the hell out of me and wish he was here now so i can pay him back. Who am i kidding, he still embarrasses me now that we're adults. I remember when i was younger and would be on the phone and he would pick up the other line and eavesdrop or yell out stuff into the phone so i would have to hang up, go hunt him down, and beat the crap out of him.
All the times he would break into my room when i wasn't home, get on my computer and crash it with virus' from his internet porn viewing...then i would come home to find my room trashed with candy wrappers and spend hours cleaning it and the crap off my computer that he put on there! I probably shouldn't think back on that stuff with fond memories, but i do. Because the person he is today, is far from the person he once was. Yeah, he has always been a little shit head in my eyes, but he is my little shithead brother, and that is what little brothers are for.
The person he is today is one i don't really know anymore. The activities and things that he has been into for about the past five years had turned him into someone i hardly recognize, and for me that is really sad. I lost one of my best friends (partially) to drugs eight years ago, and oddly enough it was my brother that broke the news to me. That really messed me up for a long time and helped me spiral into a series of events that i'm still paying for to this day. I just do not want to lose my brother to the same bullshit that has taken away so many others.
I haven't seen him for several months right now because even though he is in the corrections system, he still cant seem to stay away from trouble. I guess i hold a lot of anger in me about him, he just cant seem to pull it together. I know he is his own person, and an adult one at that, but i don't hold him solely responsible. If our "excuses" had of been parents instead of what ever they were, and set better examples for us, i'm positive he would be in a far better situation. I just think God everyday that i did have other people there for me setting great examples.
Our parents were so bad at that job that i quite literally remember being a small kid thinking, "these idiots!" Almost any and everything that came from them was complete and utter BS! I am not even nearly exaggerating either. I used almost any reason i could to get away from them to either be with my grandma or my aunt. Without those two i'm sure i too would be up shits creek with out a paddle and a hole in my boat. The sad thing is, to this day they still can't grasp just how bad they were as parents. They still can not do what is right by their kids. Do you think they send him any money, HELL NO! Do you think they make appointments to see him? NOPE, they call me or my aunt or anyone who will pick up the jobs they should have been doing years ago.
I just wish there was some way i could get him out of the way of thinking that he picked up from our "excuses", and set foot on the right path in life. I'm not saying he needs to be perfect, that surely is unattainable by all, but i just want him to be mentally, emotionally and physically healthy and lead a virtuous life. i don't want to see him in and out of jail and prison, i don't want to get anymore predawn phone calls from my dad or someone crying that he is in the hospital again, overdosed and in cardiac arrest! i just want my little smart ass, wise cracking brother that i know is still in there somewhere back! I really don't think that is too much to ask...
So there you have it, my angry bitter bitch ranting for the day. I just have to vent sometimes, and this is my blog so i damn well feel free to do it on here. I hopefully will post something more lighthearted and not so bitchy soon, but its me, Uber Bitch so we'll just have to wait and see how that goes! LOL :P
He is everything one can imagine in an annoying little brother, and i love him all the more for it. I think back to all the times when we were growing up and he embarrassed the hell out of me and wish he was here now so i can pay him back. Who am i kidding, he still embarrasses me now that we're adults. I remember when i was younger and would be on the phone and he would pick up the other line and eavesdrop or yell out stuff into the phone so i would have to hang up, go hunt him down, and beat the crap out of him.
All the times he would break into my room when i wasn't home, get on my computer and crash it with virus' from his internet porn viewing...then i would come home to find my room trashed with candy wrappers and spend hours cleaning it and the crap off my computer that he put on there! I probably shouldn't think back on that stuff with fond memories, but i do. Because the person he is today, is far from the person he once was. Yeah, he has always been a little shit head in my eyes, but he is my little shithead brother, and that is what little brothers are for.
The person he is today is one i don't really know anymore. The activities and things that he has been into for about the past five years had turned him into someone i hardly recognize, and for me that is really sad. I lost one of my best friends (partially) to drugs eight years ago, and oddly enough it was my brother that broke the news to me. That really messed me up for a long time and helped me spiral into a series of events that i'm still paying for to this day. I just do not want to lose my brother to the same bullshit that has taken away so many others.
I haven't seen him for several months right now because even though he is in the corrections system, he still cant seem to stay away from trouble. I guess i hold a lot of anger in me about him, he just cant seem to pull it together. I know he is his own person, and an adult one at that, but i don't hold him solely responsible. If our "excuses" had of been parents instead of what ever they were, and set better examples for us, i'm positive he would be in a far better situation. I just think God everyday that i did have other people there for me setting great examples.
Our parents were so bad at that job that i quite literally remember being a small kid thinking, "these idiots!" Almost any and everything that came from them was complete and utter BS! I am not even nearly exaggerating either. I used almost any reason i could to get away from them to either be with my grandma or my aunt. Without those two i'm sure i too would be up shits creek with out a paddle and a hole in my boat. The sad thing is, to this day they still can't grasp just how bad they were as parents. They still can not do what is right by their kids. Do you think they send him any money, HELL NO! Do you think they make appointments to see him? NOPE, they call me or my aunt or anyone who will pick up the jobs they should have been doing years ago.
I just wish there was some way i could get him out of the way of thinking that he picked up from our "excuses", and set foot on the right path in life. I'm not saying he needs to be perfect, that surely is unattainable by all, but i just want him to be mentally, emotionally and physically healthy and lead a virtuous life. i don't want to see him in and out of jail and prison, i don't want to get anymore predawn phone calls from my dad or someone crying that he is in the hospital again, overdosed and in cardiac arrest! i just want my little smart ass, wise cracking brother that i know is still in there somewhere back! I really don't think that is too much to ask...
So there you have it, my angry bitter bitch ranting for the day. I just have to vent sometimes, and this is my blog so i damn well feel free to do it on here. I hopefully will post something more lighthearted and not so bitchy soon, but its me, Uber Bitch so we'll just have to wait and see how that goes! LOL :P
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Unfinished Business
"Unfinished Business" is usually a term people use when talking about ghosts. I'm not talking about ghost, but I definitely feel that I and others experience this feeling while alive. I don't know if its just this little slump I've been in or what, but for the last year and a half I feel like life is running away from me. Ever since my 25th birthday I think I've been having a "quarter life crisis", not quite a midlife crisis, at least I hope I'm not already in the middle of my life. But I have definitely felt like the things I wanted to accomplish at this point in my life are getting further and further from accomplishing with every passing day.
It's no fault of anyone but myself. There are things I've done and mistakes I've made that have caused these problems and feelings. If only time travel were a possibility, and if only I had of known then what I know now. Life is too full of "if onlys". I have friends that have said they feel the same way sometimes. I think most people would like a "do over" in life if they could have one. There are different causes for people getting this feeling, rather it be finishing something that was started, making amends with someone, letting your true feelings be known, not losing that lost love, accomplishing that dream that you let slip away, or whatever.
Different things can cause the feeling that there is something that was left unfinished. Whatever the thing or the cause, it is a pretty crappy feeling to have. I just hope that for me and for others that may have this foggy little sensation that we focus our attention and take the necessary steps to finish our business. Though it may not go the way we want and have the affects we've desired, at least it wont be a lingering cloud of what-if and if-only shading our thoughts and lives.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Influences and The Proud Mary...Keep Rolling On The River!
I have been paying a lot of attention lately to things I see my kids being influenced by. It brings up memories for me of my own childhood and adolescence and the people and things that influenced me, rather for the good or the bad. My son is going on five and wants to be and partially thinks he is a professional wrestler. I'm not too sure if this is a good or a bad thing. I know kids change what they "want to grow up and be" like all the time. In his short life he has already wanted to be a doctor, a farmer, and a superhero. So I'm pretty sure this too shall pass. But if not I tell him that if he does grow up and become a pro, make sure he introduces mommy to one of the hot-beef cakes he may work with...I kid, I kid!
My daughter, I'm not too sure what she want's to be. She has said she wants to be Princess Tiana, from The Princess and the Frog. Then at times she says she wants to grow up to be mommy. I just hope that whatever they decide to do with their lives that it is productive, successful, and helpful to others. I also hope they make their decisions based on the right reasons and not just because of how much money they can potentially make.
I remember back when I was a kid, the first person I remember wanting to be when I grew up was Tina Turner, minus the whole Ike kicking my ass part though. Yes, I was a small white child that wanted to grow up to be an African American woman! Lol. I would watch her concerts on TV and try my hardest to copy her signature dance. With time and countless viewings I did, if I must say so myself, become pretty good at that dance. Proud Mary!
I remember watching it so much so that my grandma became pretty sick of Tina. Haha. This may be sad to admit, but sometimes when I'm alone I turn on that song and boogie down all by myself. (God, I hope no one ever catches me doing this! I can only imagine how it looks from the outside looking in.) But anyhow, there is my sad little admission.
The second person I wanted to be when I grew up was Lucille Ball. I loved her then and I love her now. She is probably the funniest person in history to me. She didn't have to be crude or vulgar to get laughs, and that is probably why I love her so much. I've watched "I Love Lucy" reruns so much that I can recite a lot of episodes word for word. It is one show that no matter how old I get, they will never get old for me.
Then there were the other's I wanted to be when I grew up. They tended to change a lot more, the older that I became. For a while I wanted to be Madonna. Why, I don't know. Probably because to me she was such a free spirit and always pushed the limits. For a while I wanted to be a marine biologist, (my first non-celebrity career). Then I wanted to be a lawyer, that was until I found out how much school was involved. That ended that prospect real quick. I've never been one for structure. There was a time when I was in my later teen years that I wanted to join the Army or Air Force. Mostly to get the hell out of dodge, but those goals ended rather quickly too. I was trying to get away from structure only to realize I would be putting myself in more extreme rules.
I think I have settled on a few things now that I strive to be. I am a parent of two of the most wonderful children in the world. I strive to be the best mommy to them that I can possibly be. I also write a lot, on here and in other aspects. I'm working on a few stories now, and praying that the writer's block I experience from time to time permanently releases it's grip on me. Maybe one day, when I hopefully finish one of those stories I can be blessed enough to get published. (Fingers crossed). I've been writing since I was a kid, and have finished numerous stories. My friend Ashley has a lot of those old stories, and hopefully she doesn't use them as a form of blackmail one day! (Ashley, can we please burn those things?! Lmao).
I hope that my dreams come true for me and that my children's dreams come true for them. Whatever those dreams are and whatever paths they choose to follow in life. Whatever they (or you who is reading this) decide on in life to do, do it to the best of your ability and with more enthusiasm than has even been done before. Never let anyone tell you that you can't, because you can. The people that tell you "you can't" are usually the same people who haven't achieved what they've wanted to in life and don't want to see you or other's succeed where they've been unable to. "Never give up on your dreams, and they'll never give up on you."
My daughter, I'm not too sure what she want's to be. She has said she wants to be Princess Tiana, from The Princess and the Frog. Then at times she says she wants to grow up to be mommy. I just hope that whatever they decide to do with their lives that it is productive, successful, and helpful to others. I also hope they make their decisions based on the right reasons and not just because of how much money they can potentially make.
I remember back when I was a kid, the first person I remember wanting to be when I grew up was Tina Turner, minus the whole Ike kicking my ass part though. Yes, I was a small white child that wanted to grow up to be an African American woman! Lol. I would watch her concerts on TV and try my hardest to copy her signature dance. With time and countless viewings I did, if I must say so myself, become pretty good at that dance. Proud Mary!
I remember watching it so much so that my grandma became pretty sick of Tina. Haha. This may be sad to admit, but sometimes when I'm alone I turn on that song and boogie down all by myself. (God, I hope no one ever catches me doing this! I can only imagine how it looks from the outside looking in.) But anyhow, there is my sad little admission.
The second person I wanted to be when I grew up was Lucille Ball. I loved her then and I love her now. She is probably the funniest person in history to me. She didn't have to be crude or vulgar to get laughs, and that is probably why I love her so much. I've watched "I Love Lucy" reruns so much that I can recite a lot of episodes word for word. It is one show that no matter how old I get, they will never get old for me.
Then there were the other's I wanted to be when I grew up. They tended to change a lot more, the older that I became. For a while I wanted to be Madonna. Why, I don't know. Probably because to me she was such a free spirit and always pushed the limits. For a while I wanted to be a marine biologist, (my first non-celebrity career). Then I wanted to be a lawyer, that was until I found out how much school was involved. That ended that prospect real quick. I've never been one for structure. There was a time when I was in my later teen years that I wanted to join the Army or Air Force. Mostly to get the hell out of dodge, but those goals ended rather quickly too. I was trying to get away from structure only to realize I would be putting myself in more extreme rules.
I think I have settled on a few things now that I strive to be. I am a parent of two of the most wonderful children in the world. I strive to be the best mommy to them that I can possibly be. I also write a lot, on here and in other aspects. I'm working on a few stories now, and praying that the writer's block I experience from time to time permanently releases it's grip on me. Maybe one day, when I hopefully finish one of those stories I can be blessed enough to get published. (Fingers crossed). I've been writing since I was a kid, and have finished numerous stories. My friend Ashley has a lot of those old stories, and hopefully she doesn't use them as a form of blackmail one day! (Ashley, can we please burn those things?! Lmao).
I hope that my dreams come true for me and that my children's dreams come true for them. Whatever those dreams are and whatever paths they choose to follow in life. Whatever they (or you who is reading this) decide on in life to do, do it to the best of your ability and with more enthusiasm than has even been done before. Never let anyone tell you that you can't, because you can. The people that tell you "you can't" are usually the same people who haven't achieved what they've wanted to in life and don't want to see you or other's succeed where they've been unable to. "Never give up on your dreams, and they'll never give up on you."
Monday, June 13, 2011
The Three Musketeers
The Three Musketeers, not the movie or anything like that. I'm referring to myself and my two closest friends in the whole of the universe Ashley and Sarah. I've known Ashley since kindergarten and Sarah half my life since we were like 13. But I feel like they've always been around and couldn't really picture my life without them.
Though in recent years we've all had to go out into the world as individuals, and that hasn't left us nearly as much time to spend together as we once had. We probably used to look like conjoined triplets. Lol. But I think we still remain very close. I believe that no matter where life leads us, we'll all always have one another, and I personally feel great about that. It's always nice to have people in your life that have been a solid presence. It's kind of comforting.
We all three have distinct personalities, but still have a lot of similarities. Just like oil and water don't mix, but if you put them both in the same bottle, add some spice, and shake the hell out it them, they make a nice dressing. That's how I think of us three. I'm still just trying to figure out who is the oil, who is the water, and then who the spice is. Haha...I guess that is a whole other analogy.
Sarah and I both have children now, and we both also have a son and a daughter. Our sons are little buddies, and pretty close together in age. My daughter though is going on six, and her's just turned one. I've been trying my hardest to jinx Ashley into the world of parenting. I know that when that day does come she will make an excellent one. She is already a great big sister to her siblings and a wonderful aunt.
We jokingly compare ourselves to characters from various movies and shows. One being Steel Magnolias. Sarah is Clairee, Ashley Maylynn, and me, for whatever reason they've decided Ouiser, or as we here in the south pronounce it, Weazer! (I don't understand this, me with my sunny disposition that I'm so famous for...lmao) I like to think I'm more of a Truvy.
I know that I am a better person in life for having had these two wonderful people in my life. They are both open minded and caring people, and through the years have taught me things about myself and others. I honestly think that I would be for the worse off if I hadn't had such two great friends. I hope that everyone in their lifetime gets to have at least one friend as good as they have been to me. So I guess I'm double blessed for having them both.
Though in recent years we've all had to go out into the world as individuals, and that hasn't left us nearly as much time to spend together as we once had. We probably used to look like conjoined triplets. Lol. But I think we still remain very close. I believe that no matter where life leads us, we'll all always have one another, and I personally feel great about that. It's always nice to have people in your life that have been a solid presence. It's kind of comforting.
We all three have distinct personalities, but still have a lot of similarities. Just like oil and water don't mix, but if you put them both in the same bottle, add some spice, and shake the hell out it them, they make a nice dressing. That's how I think of us three. I'm still just trying to figure out who is the oil, who is the water, and then who the spice is. Haha...I guess that is a whole other analogy.
Sarah and I both have children now, and we both also have a son and a daughter. Our sons are little buddies, and pretty close together in age. My daughter though is going on six, and her's just turned one. I've been trying my hardest to jinx Ashley into the world of parenting. I know that when that day does come she will make an excellent one. She is already a great big sister to her siblings and a wonderful aunt.
We jokingly compare ourselves to characters from various movies and shows. One being Steel Magnolias. Sarah is Clairee, Ashley Maylynn, and me, for whatever reason they've decided Ouiser, or as we here in the south pronounce it, Weazer! (I don't understand this, me with my sunny disposition that I'm so famous for...lmao) I like to think I'm more of a Truvy.
I know that I am a better person in life for having had these two wonderful people in my life. They are both open minded and caring people, and through the years have taught me things about myself and others. I honestly think that I would be for the worse off if I hadn't had such two great friends. I hope that everyone in their lifetime gets to have at least one friend as good as they have been to me. So I guess I'm double blessed for having them both.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
If we weren't related...
Well this is only going to inflate his ego more, but it's what I feel inspired to write about today...so here we go. I'm going to tell you all a little bit about my cousin/best friend Daniel. Really he is more like a brother than cousin and a friend even more so than either one of those. We have our little "tiffs" as i call them, arguments to everyone else. Well, they aren't always so little, but they are mostly about stupid shit that we shouldn't even be arguing about anyway. We are a lot alike, but also very very different. We share a lot of the same old fashioned values and morals, but try to be open minded about stuff too. We rarely agree on politics, it's been a huge issue in quite a few of our feuds.
In my mind's eye Daniel is an extremely Conservative-Republican, I on the other hand am often at times a Liberal-Democrat. (Though I personally label myself as a Conservative-Liberal, not even sure that that is a real term. I guess other's would call me an Independent. I probably would too, anyone who knows me really knows that I tend to be an Independent thinker.) Anyhow, let me get back to "The Beast" (a nickname for Daniel), if he is reading this he is probably thinking the same thing..."Yes, lets get back to me!!!" Lol.
I believe that everyone, well everyone that actually uses the good sense God gave them comes to their belief system themselves through their life experiences. So being that no two individuals share exactly the same experiences with life, that no two people, no matter how close, are going to have the exact same thoughts, beliefs, politics, etc. Now Daniel and I came from the same eclectic family, but we think a lot different about certain things, but then again we agree on a lot too.
One thing that I think makes us so close is that we usually knows what the other's feelings or thoughts about something is. He knows when I'm full of shit, and I know when he is. Oh, I let him think that he is pulling the wool over my eyes at times...but no...Daniel, I'm used to smelling your brand of bull-shit! Haha, I can recognize it now when I smell it! (That's also the same thing I tell my brother and father when they think they're getting one past me too.) Like when we were kids, we would play card games all the time. (Our family is filled with gambling addicts, so we've picked up a game or two.) Daniel would always cheat me. He would even lure our Grandma in to helping him make up elaborate rules that always seemed to only benefit him! And she would go along with it. I don't look back on this as them doing something mean, Grandma loved to play jokes on people, but Daniel was a little crook!
Don't think I didn't get my own revenge though. I would absolutely torture him, his brother, and my little brother with my spoiled brat ways. When we where at Grandma's I usually got my way, so I was the one with "remote control control"...and I knew just how to make them squirm. I being a child of the MTV generation would watch shows like The Real World, Road Rules, Singled Out, and stuff like that...stuff they hated! They would run to Grandma and tell her to make me change it to something they wanted to watched, 9 times out of 10 she would in return tell them "She had the remote first, so leave her alone." HaHa! See where being a little crooked card shark gets you! :P
I would also torture them when it came to us having to go somewhere with Grandma, I always got the front seat. Not only over them, but adults too. My uncle would get so mad when Grandma would tell him that I was setting up front and she would put him in the back. There were times when people would get so mad at this that they would flat out refuse to go if they were going to have to sit back there. I should have let my elders have that seat, but nope, I was Grandma's girl and I wanted to always be right beside her. (Looking back I realize what a spiteful little brat I was.)
But the boys would get me back. They were at times little devil children. Our Grandma had an old outhouse down in the back of her yard. Well when I was a little girl I had amassed a huge collection of Barbie dolls. Every summer the boys would get a ton of fireworks and fire crackers, then they would gang up on me, distract me, and one would steal a Barbie or two. They would then run off, tie my dolls up in their illegal torture devices and call for me. I would go and see what they wanted only to find them back there at the outhouse, with my poor defenseless toy strung up like a hostage, lit up in firecrackers, then chucked down the shit hole, only to explode in a crappy mess. Now if that isn't sick and evil I don't know what is.
Well we're grown up now, and I'm hip to his little ways. He still will randomly make up these elaborate stories and tell them to me with such conviction, only for me to believe them and then him bust out laughing...deep down he is still a crook, he just has a new medium to torture me with. I try hard to recognize these webs of lies before I get to believing them, and before he gets the pleasure of luring me into them. You damn Beast! ;)
In the past few months, I've seen him mature more than at times in life I ever thought he would. Not that he is immature, he is overly mature sometimes for a guy of his age...just that he is taking steps and making commitments more so boldly than I thought was possible for him. And I must say I am very proud of him. Me telling someone my true feelings towards them is an extremely difficult thing for me to do. Now if I don't like you, that is one thing...I have no problem letting that be known. I figure that only does me a favor, if someone knows that I don't like them from the start them they usually avoid me and I don't have to feel bad for avoiding them. But telling people that I do love them and stuff like that is difficult.
But there you go. In trying to stay on a positive path through life, I'm opening up about my feelings towards life and the people in mine. I hope me telling the world that I think Daniel is a brilliant, charismatic young man doesn't blow his head up too much. If so, I'm sure I can find a way to bring him back down a few notches! But Daniel is truly one of my favorite people, one of my best friends, and foes. My favorite cousin. He listens to my bitching and tries to offer advice, though I'm not always so keen on taking it. I wish him a life of health and happiness, and for me the insight to recognize his bullshit before he feeds me too much of it!
In my mind's eye Daniel is an extremely Conservative-Republican, I on the other hand am often at times a Liberal-Democrat. (Though I personally label myself as a Conservative-Liberal, not even sure that that is a real term. I guess other's would call me an Independent. I probably would too, anyone who knows me really knows that I tend to be an Independent thinker.) Anyhow, let me get back to "The Beast" (a nickname for Daniel), if he is reading this he is probably thinking the same thing..."Yes, lets get back to me!!!" Lol.
I believe that everyone, well everyone that actually uses the good sense God gave them comes to their belief system themselves through their life experiences. So being that no two individuals share exactly the same experiences with life, that no two people, no matter how close, are going to have the exact same thoughts, beliefs, politics, etc. Now Daniel and I came from the same eclectic family, but we think a lot different about certain things, but then again we agree on a lot too.
One thing that I think makes us so close is that we usually knows what the other's feelings or thoughts about something is. He knows when I'm full of shit, and I know when he is. Oh, I let him think that he is pulling the wool over my eyes at times...but no...Daniel, I'm used to smelling your brand of bull-shit! Haha, I can recognize it now when I smell it! (That's also the same thing I tell my brother and father when they think they're getting one past me too.) Like when we were kids, we would play card games all the time. (Our family is filled with gambling addicts, so we've picked up a game or two.) Daniel would always cheat me. He would even lure our Grandma in to helping him make up elaborate rules that always seemed to only benefit him! And she would go along with it. I don't look back on this as them doing something mean, Grandma loved to play jokes on people, but Daniel was a little crook!
Don't think I didn't get my own revenge though. I would absolutely torture him, his brother, and my little brother with my spoiled brat ways. When we where at Grandma's I usually got my way, so I was the one with "remote control control"...and I knew just how to make them squirm. I being a child of the MTV generation would watch shows like The Real World, Road Rules, Singled Out, and stuff like that...stuff they hated! They would run to Grandma and tell her to make me change it to something they wanted to watched, 9 times out of 10 she would in return tell them "She had the remote first, so leave her alone." HaHa! See where being a little crooked card shark gets you! :P
I would also torture them when it came to us having to go somewhere with Grandma, I always got the front seat. Not only over them, but adults too. My uncle would get so mad when Grandma would tell him that I was setting up front and she would put him in the back. There were times when people would get so mad at this that they would flat out refuse to go if they were going to have to sit back there. I should have let my elders have that seat, but nope, I was Grandma's girl and I wanted to always be right beside her. (Looking back I realize what a spiteful little brat I was.)
But the boys would get me back. They were at times little devil children. Our Grandma had an old outhouse down in the back of her yard. Well when I was a little girl I had amassed a huge collection of Barbie dolls. Every summer the boys would get a ton of fireworks and fire crackers, then they would gang up on me, distract me, and one would steal a Barbie or two. They would then run off, tie my dolls up in their illegal torture devices and call for me. I would go and see what they wanted only to find them back there at the outhouse, with my poor defenseless toy strung up like a hostage, lit up in firecrackers, then chucked down the shit hole, only to explode in a crappy mess. Now if that isn't sick and evil I don't know what is.
Well we're grown up now, and I'm hip to his little ways. He still will randomly make up these elaborate stories and tell them to me with such conviction, only for me to believe them and then him bust out laughing...deep down he is still a crook, he just has a new medium to torture me with. I try hard to recognize these webs of lies before I get to believing them, and before he gets the pleasure of luring me into them. You damn Beast! ;)
In the past few months, I've seen him mature more than at times in life I ever thought he would. Not that he is immature, he is overly mature sometimes for a guy of his age...just that he is taking steps and making commitments more so boldly than I thought was possible for him. And I must say I am very proud of him. Me telling someone my true feelings towards them is an extremely difficult thing for me to do. Now if I don't like you, that is one thing...I have no problem letting that be known. I figure that only does me a favor, if someone knows that I don't like them from the start them they usually avoid me and I don't have to feel bad for avoiding them. But telling people that I do love them and stuff like that is difficult.
But there you go. In trying to stay on a positive path through life, I'm opening up about my feelings towards life and the people in mine. I hope me telling the world that I think Daniel is a brilliant, charismatic young man doesn't blow his head up too much. If so, I'm sure I can find a way to bring him back down a few notches! But Daniel is truly one of my favorite people, one of my best friends, and foes. My favorite cousin. He listens to my bitching and tries to offer advice, though I'm not always so keen on taking it. I wish him a life of health and happiness, and for me the insight to recognize his bullshit before he feeds me too much of it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)