There was a time in my life, that like only a fool can do, I turned my back on God and His love. I ignored all the messages that various people tried to convey to me. I thought, like so many adolescents do, that I knew it all. That what people were saying to me were just ill attempts at trying to control my at often times uncontrollable behavior. That they were just trying to influence my actions and thoughts with religious rhetoric.
"Fools think they need no advice, but the wise listen to others." -Proverbs 12:15
Then my life turned to folly and chaos. There was no foundation on for which i could stand. There seemed to be no light in the sky to which i could help guide my way down life's path. I dropped out of school, turned to numerous drugs to help fill the void and numb the pain. I did lots of things that any sensible person would not even think to do. Without God protecting me and flooding my body with His love, the devil took hold of me and used his tools to start destroying me.
"God rescues the godly from danger, but he lets the wicked fall into trouble." -Proverbs 11:8
In 2003, after years of nonsense and foolery plaguing my life, I prayed for forgiveness and asked God to once again shine his light on me and help me out of the pit of darkness and evil that i had dug myself into. And guess what? He heard my prayers and threw down his golden rope and pulled me to safety. Now, by no means am i saying that I am perfect...far from it. I'm not saying that everything I do is just and righteous. I just know that I must give credit to God for all things good in life, know that He is the one in control and I am just a vessel of His divine will.
I know that the Lord gives and He takes away, but He will never put more weight on the shoulders of His children than they can stand to bare. I myself and people I love at this very moment are going through a very difficult time. We have recently lost one of the most important and influential people in our lives to cancer. Though this time of sorrow and grief can not be avoided. There has to be a way to help ease the pain. By knowing that the people we've loved and lost are with God in his Heavenly home. That there is no such thing to them anymore as pain and suffering. That they are enjoying blessings that we here on Earth can't even begin to imagine. They are with us in spirit, though not in the flesh.
Their memories are ever present and never forgotten. Things in our daily lives will remind us of them, bring back those times joy and love that will never be erased. We can honor their memories and carry on God's message of Love by doing things that the Lord will favor. Through our love of God we will one day be reunited with them for eternity when we too enter through the gates of Heaven. We will be washed of our Earthly trespasses and sins, and the light of God will shine on us and envelope us with his warmth and love.
Through these hard times, when there seems like there is nothing we can be thankful for. That there may seem like there is no light in the day and nothing worth living for. Know that that is not the case and cast those doubtful thoughts aside. I think when someone passes that has done good with their life and has loved God, it is a blessing that God is bestowing. He is taking them out of all the pain and sufferings that plague our Earthly lives. Though we may not have our loved ones in the flesh, they are forever with us in the spirit. Like God, they are with us everyday and in everything we do. We are the ones that are suffering here in this time of test and trial of our faith.
But who among us is going to pass that test? Do things in everyday life and in every instant possible that is one day going to reunite us with God and our loved ones. Things that are only going to bring us closer to His undying love. Shine his light on others in the things we say to one another. Pray that everyone will find in their hearts only the love that He can provide. Do things that are going to make our passed on brother and sisters, mothers and fathers, and friends proud of us. Let them rejoice in the golden streets of heaven with laughter and dance at the good things we say to one another, the things we do, and the strength and love that we share with our other Earthly brothers and sisters, until it is our day to join them. Just remember, Through God, all things are possible.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
At A Loss
You know, sometimes life just cant help but to kick you when your down...Over the last few months i have been in a semi-depressive state with the ever looming subject of loosing a loved one. So its almost needless to say that when seemingly tiny matters come up, its just more weight and pressure being added to the pile and i'm just standing there watching, helpless, waiting for its inevitable collapse.
As some of you may know, my daughter is Autistic. Not so severe as many children in her situation are. She is actually on the rather mild side of the varying degrees of the scale. Which i cant even begin to tell you how happy i am that its not worse than it is. Thank you God! I really and truly have so much empathy for these children and their families. Things that we normally take for granted everyday are in some cases almost unattainable goals that these children work for and strive for everyday.
Why do I bring this topic up today? Well, my daughter who is one of the sweetest most loving children that i have even encountered has been having a rather drastic change of temperament lately. She has taken on the very unacceptable behavior of name calling, acting out in class and at home, and just plain bad attitudes. I and her teachers are at a loss of where this is coming from.
Now if you know me or read my blog from time to time, you know i am a very strong believer in Karma. So i wonder if this is Karma coming back to haunt me for some previous mean act that i have done. If so, tsk tsk Karma, you don't have to involve innocent children that already are striving to do their very best to overcome already extreme obstacles! But until fate or Karma or whatever decides that we've had enough and releases it sometimes hateful grasp i will continue to pray for the best, ask forgiveness for whatever prior trespass that has caused this new hurtle in life, and ride the wave of unpleasantness to the shore.
Anyway, i have contacted her specialist several times, and have yet to be contacted back by an actual human to maybe, just maybe get some helpful suggestions as to how to handle the situation until they can see her. (i did receive a letter of a next appointment, a month away). But with many messages left, and my telephone my ever present companion, i have yet to see that they have the smallest amount of common courtesy or concern for one of their patients well being to make a return call. I do understand that they are busy, being the best in their field in the state, but two weeks and numerous call have passed and still...nothing!
I'm absolutely positive though if the shoe were on the other foot and oh, lets say i refused to make a payment or something that they would most definitely be able to reach me to see when payment for services rendered are going to be made. If the all mighty dollar is in the picture, things usually have a way of working themselves out faster. The question that I've been asked is why i don't take her to another doctor. Well here is the answer, her regular physicians office even with the simplest of matters act like the morons that they are and can never even answer the simplest of questions, and just refer me back to her specialist anyway. (Another stumbling block in this road is that i have to take her to where her insurance will accept.) And when trying to get her to see the specialist, since they are the best experts in our state for Autistic children the waiting list is usually several weeks/months long!
So here i sit, trying my best to get my baby back on the positive track, with all the love, support, encouragement, and understanding that i possess. I shower her with all that as much as humanly possible, and added with the many prayers that are made everyday on her behalf i sincerely hope that God puts his loving touch on the situation as soon as possible. So if you are reading this, and understand my situation, and have any suggestions as how to help smooth out this bump in the road please let me know. I just want the best for her and every other child on this earth. May God bless us all and cloak us in his protection and love from all of life's unpleasantness.
As some of you may know, my daughter is Autistic. Not so severe as many children in her situation are. She is actually on the rather mild side of the varying degrees of the scale. Which i cant even begin to tell you how happy i am that its not worse than it is. Thank you God! I really and truly have so much empathy for these children and their families. Things that we normally take for granted everyday are in some cases almost unattainable goals that these children work for and strive for everyday.
Why do I bring this topic up today? Well, my daughter who is one of the sweetest most loving children that i have even encountered has been having a rather drastic change of temperament lately. She has taken on the very unacceptable behavior of name calling, acting out in class and at home, and just plain bad attitudes. I and her teachers are at a loss of where this is coming from.
Now if you know me or read my blog from time to time, you know i am a very strong believer in Karma. So i wonder if this is Karma coming back to haunt me for some previous mean act that i have done. If so, tsk tsk Karma, you don't have to involve innocent children that already are striving to do their very best to overcome already extreme obstacles! But until fate or Karma or whatever decides that we've had enough and releases it sometimes hateful grasp i will continue to pray for the best, ask forgiveness for whatever prior trespass that has caused this new hurtle in life, and ride the wave of unpleasantness to the shore.
Anyway, i have contacted her specialist several times, and have yet to be contacted back by an actual human to maybe, just maybe get some helpful suggestions as to how to handle the situation until they can see her. (i did receive a letter of a next appointment, a month away). But with many messages left, and my telephone my ever present companion, i have yet to see that they have the smallest amount of common courtesy or concern for one of their patients well being to make a return call. I do understand that they are busy, being the best in their field in the state, but two weeks and numerous call have passed and still...nothing!
I'm absolutely positive though if the shoe were on the other foot and oh, lets say i refused to make a payment or something that they would most definitely be able to reach me to see when payment for services rendered are going to be made. If the all mighty dollar is in the picture, things usually have a way of working themselves out faster. The question that I've been asked is why i don't take her to another doctor. Well here is the answer, her regular physicians office even with the simplest of matters act like the morons that they are and can never even answer the simplest of questions, and just refer me back to her specialist anyway. (Another stumbling block in this road is that i have to take her to where her insurance will accept.) And when trying to get her to see the specialist, since they are the best experts in our state for Autistic children the waiting list is usually several weeks/months long!
So here i sit, trying my best to get my baby back on the positive track, with all the love, support, encouragement, and understanding that i possess. I shower her with all that as much as humanly possible, and added with the many prayers that are made everyday on her behalf i sincerely hope that God puts his loving touch on the situation as soon as possible. So if you are reading this, and understand my situation, and have any suggestions as how to help smooth out this bump in the road please let me know. I just want the best for her and every other child on this earth. May God bless us all and cloak us in his protection and love from all of life's unpleasantness.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The Simple Life
While on my journey to find balance and peace in my life, i have learned that one of the most important and helpful strategies that helps me at least stay on this ever changing sew-saw is living a simply as possible. Not the same "simple" that many a person i know overwhelmingly accomplishes without even trying everyday (the simple minded). Another simple that is more an all encompassing simplicity. From the way i do things, the things i buy, how i dress, what i eat, and my general interactions with others.
I know that sounds horribly drab and boring, but sometimes drab and boring is peaceful and uncomplicated and very welcomed. There is so much chaos in the world, and in my life on the day to day that i crave peace and quiet like a skid row crack-head with a fresh panhandled $20. Sometimes i don't want a complicated slaved over meal, i just want a sandwich or a baby bell cheese & crackers. I don't want to put on actual clothes to go to Wal-Mart to get whatever bull i need to grab at that moment, i want to where my pajamas and not be looked at like a mad housewife on the loose or a just released mental patient. I dont want to socialize and pretend threw gritted teeth that i want to be there and am actually enjoying myself, I just want to sit in my darkened living room, with the t.v. off and nothing but the quiet to keep me company.
I know this makes certain individuals only further their beliefs that i am semi-hermit and even more anti-social but i just find that more often than not, I'm my own best company. Sorry if i offend anyone by saying that, to my true friends you know i love you, value your friendship, and enjoy the time we're together. But I have found peace is so much easier to attain when there is no one else around. Not that i surround myself with hectic people and chaos, i actually try my damnedest to identify those people and stay well clear of their presence.
I am more or less trying to say that there are people who have to have someone around, they have to be talking or texting or socializing in some aspect to be even in the tiniest bit happy. Its like they don't know what to do with themselves if there isn't someone there to help them think and make their decisions. I cant even breathe easily just at the thought of having my time consumed in such an outlandish manner. I just need a while out of the day to myself to reflect, organize thoughts, make my own decisions, and sometimes to just not think. In my attempts to not think and just be are often the times that i do my best thinking. Stuff just comes to me when i'm not being attack by outside noise and going-ons.
So on my mission to balance the see-saw of life these are my some of my strategies, not all successes, not all failures. But all worth a try and if nothing else, at least i can always say that, "i gave it a try." Now i'm sure some of you are reading this and thinking i need to go back and change my simplicity to being the simple minded kind...lol...but i love you anyway and hope that you too reach for and grab hold of whatever it is that is meaningful to you in life.
I know that sounds horribly drab and boring, but sometimes drab and boring is peaceful and uncomplicated and very welcomed. There is so much chaos in the world, and in my life on the day to day that i crave peace and quiet like a skid row crack-head with a fresh panhandled $20. Sometimes i don't want a complicated slaved over meal, i just want a sandwich or a baby bell cheese & crackers. I don't want to put on actual clothes to go to Wal-Mart to get whatever bull i need to grab at that moment, i want to where my pajamas and not be looked at like a mad housewife on the loose or a just released mental patient. I dont want to socialize and pretend threw gritted teeth that i want to be there and am actually enjoying myself, I just want to sit in my darkened living room, with the t.v. off and nothing but the quiet to keep me company.
I know this makes certain individuals only further their beliefs that i am semi-hermit and even more anti-social but i just find that more often than not, I'm my own best company. Sorry if i offend anyone by saying that, to my true friends you know i love you, value your friendship, and enjoy the time we're together. But I have found peace is so much easier to attain when there is no one else around. Not that i surround myself with hectic people and chaos, i actually try my damnedest to identify those people and stay well clear of their presence.
I am more or less trying to say that there are people who have to have someone around, they have to be talking or texting or socializing in some aspect to be even in the tiniest bit happy. Its like they don't know what to do with themselves if there isn't someone there to help them think and make their decisions. I cant even breathe easily just at the thought of having my time consumed in such an outlandish manner. I just need a while out of the day to myself to reflect, organize thoughts, make my own decisions, and sometimes to just not think. In my attempts to not think and just be are often the times that i do my best thinking. Stuff just comes to me when i'm not being attack by outside noise and going-ons.
So on my mission to balance the see-saw of life these are my some of my strategies, not all successes, not all failures. But all worth a try and if nothing else, at least i can always say that, "i gave it a try." Now i'm sure some of you are reading this and thinking i need to go back and change my simplicity to being the simple minded kind...lol...but i love you anyway and hope that you too reach for and grab hold of whatever it is that is meaningful to you in life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)